Fast Forward

 Let’s fast forward a bit.

I would say until about grade 10, my periods were manageable. I felt like crap and was in pain but I could go to school still. 

Grade 10, something changed. Most likely my hormones. Suddenly my periods made me so sick. I couldn’t keep food down or the cramps were so bad I would throw up anything I ate. I couldn’t get out of bed or lived on the toilet crying. I started to miss school. A lot of school. At least 3 days a month I was home sick from my period. I physically couldn’t stand. If I was able to, I was hunched over almost to a 90 degree angle. My insides felt as if someone was twisting them up into a knot then tightening it as much as possible. Crying and puking became a normal thing for me when my periods came. I learned to adapt and continued to live. 

I had amazing friends. They would drop off my school work so I wouldn’t fall behind. Sometimes they would come and watch movies with me because I couldn’t go out. At the time, none of us asked questions. We all were told some girls had easy periods while others didn’t. We just assumed I had really really really bad periods.

After awhile I couldn’t keep missing so much school. So I would go. Feeling like death, like my insides were in a blender on fire, unable to keep food down, unable to focus and in so much pain. I had to keep going to school. I had to keep living life. 

My doctor had suggested birth control at some point. But my mom had said no. At the time it was seen more as a way to have sexual activities and not get pregnant vs helping medically. 

When I turned 16, I went to the free clinic in my high school and asked the nurse to put me on birth control. I was praying it would help. Other girls in my school told me that their periods were so light and easy after they went on birth control. I was desperate for any type of relief. I felt horrible lying to my mom, but I was scared and embarrassed. I decided, if it helped in the long run then it would be worth it. 

3 months into taking birth control, my periods got better! The miracle happened. Instead of being super sick for 7 days, it lasted maybe 3-4. The pain was still bad, but not as constant. I took it as a win. Tylenol became my best friend. But it did nothing to help with any cramping. I felt like I took a skittles or something. But by this point in my life, I had accepted that my period was just a bad period. Everyday I was so sick and wanted to cry, but somehow I managed to smile and go to school. Because I had no choice and to be honest, people didn’t care. It was just a period cramp. Sheesh I needed to stop being so dramatic right?

Birth control helped managed my symptoms for about 4 years. Shorter periods, less sick days but still severe pain. 

Then just as fast as I had some relief. It stopped. And everything changed again.