Flare up Diary # 1

Welcome to Flare up Diaries! Since this is a new blog, I’m sharing my story slowly. But I’ve decided to keep flare up journals. This will basically be a diary entry and I’ll add to them off and on throughout the day of the flare up. I’ll write these on days I’m having a severe flare up only. This is an ongoing issue. There is no cure. This is how it affects my daily life.

Today was normal. I woke up, got ready for work. Drove through the morning fog until I got to my clients house. Greeted my client and their dog. (Best part about my job is all the dogs I get to play with). Started our morning and chatted as we went about the chores. 

I rate my pain on a scale. 0-10. 0 meaning no pain of any kind. 10 meaning I’m in the hospital begging someone to end my misery. A normal day, my pain is around 1-3. Enough that I’m aware of it and uncomfortable, but manageable. This morning is was a 2. Nothing unusual about that.

Well suddenly, while working with my client, I felt as if someone took a hot knife and stabbed me. I immediately dropped to my knees and sat on my butt in a weird position. It was the only thing comfortable. I pretend to pet my clients dog, hoping it’ll be short. I stayed like that for 15 mins. My pain went from a 2 to a 5 in less than a second. I continued to work, but couldn’t stand straight. I took small painful steps. Fought tears in my eyes. 

My client sent me home. I have never been more grateful. I somehow got to my jeep and got myself home. My pain level rising to a 6. I crawled into my house on my hands and knees. I can’t physical stand. I’m crying and exhausted already. My husband set up my heating pads. Two, one for my back and one for my stomach. This is the rest of my day. Hoping the pain will go away and just trying to get comfortable and not scream or cry. 

My symptoms are different this time. I normally have pain in my left lower pelvis. It’s very specific and I know the pain well. That is happening, but I’m also having severe back pain on the right side. And stabbing pain in my right pelvis, but higher. The pain is also different. Something is off. This has been going on about 3-4 weeks now. 

If the pain doesn’t become tolerable by 4pm. I’ll go to the hospital.

It’s 4:30pm, I’ve decided not to go to the hospital. My pain level is still a 6 but I’ve had some Medicated Hot chocolate (a personal choice supported by my doctor) and I’ve been resting on the couch all day. As long as I don’t move much and have my heating pad, I can manage. I’m in so much pain. My back is throbbing and I can’t stand. My stomach is clenched and is a cutting pain. As if someone is slicing my insides. I’m exhausted. I can’t sleep cause of the pain. My husband massaged my back to try and help. But I find no relief. I’ve eaten, but mostly bread. The nausea is horrible. I feel like I’m in a boat in the ocean. 

 Funny enough, I had an appointment with my doctor at 2pm today. Overall, my appointment went well. I am progressing in my therapy. My anxiety is becoming more manageable. I’m less depressed. Panic attacks are happening less often. I was very proud of myself for all the hard work I’ve done. 

 I let her know about the new symptoms I am having. She has expressed concern that it could be my appendix or my kidneys as well. I have a Pelvic ultra sound in two days. An appointment with my surgeon next week. If I develop a fever or start throwing up, I am to go to emergency. Please let me fall asleep or have this flare up end. I hate living in my body. It’s fighting against me everyday.