Flare up Diary #4

 I slept for 2 hours, then awoke to pain. Was up till 6 thrashing about trying to find relief from the pain. I fell asleep around 6 and slept till 9. Some rest came. When I finally got up, my pain was a level 3! Oh thank goodness! Maybe it was the weird machine my husband got for me last night. But I felt good! 

I have my ultra sound, which means I have to have a full bladder. Oh I hate this one. Appointment is at 11am. By 10:30 I am ready to burst. The ride to the appointment was torture. Having a full bladder caused cramping. Unsure of what is causing the pain. Period? Endometriosis? Cyst? At this point I need to make sure I don’t pee myself. I’m tapping my knees and nails trying to hold it together. Finally my name was called. My favourite technician will be performing my ultra sound. She’s quick. She starts and of course has to press the bladder. Please don’t pee! Please don’t pee! Next thing I know, I can go the bathroom before I start the next process. Oh sweet heaven! 

I returned to a bit of a surprise. I knew I was doing a pelvic ultra sound. I was not aware I was also doing an internal one. Oh joy! The technician pulls out a white wand, thick like a broom and says “this may be uncomfortable”. Pffft of course it’s going to be uncomfortable. I closed my eyes and went to a happy place. The probing cause such pain in my flare ups. From a 3 to a 5 on the pain scale. Ugh the discomfort. Please be quick. I want to jump from pain in certain areas. The technician, she goes as fast as she can. Once I’m done, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. 

But my day was not over. I have to go to the dentist. I do not handle that well. I take my lorazepam so that I will be able to do my dental work. I also got some laughing gas. So it was a new experience for me. The bright side to this, I’m so chill that I almost forget my pain. Until a stab shows up. But I was just chilling. 

Came home from the dentist. Mouth was frozen but by now the pain in my stomach was back. Back to a solid 4. Why must it jump around so much on the pain scale? Husband set me up on the couch with heating pads for my tummy, ice Pack for my face and ibuprofen to help with discomfort. 

I was exhausted. So I passed out cold again on the couch. A blissful 3 hours. I woke because the numbing in my face had worn off and that woke me up quickly! My jaw is throbbing! But it distracts me from my stomach. So I don’t mind. I also have my electric massager on me. I need a better name for that. It’s not a dr ho, but similar. Umm dr zap? Yup dr zap is it’s new name. So I shall keep the remainder of my day here. Resting. I hate feeling useless. I hate the pain. I hate seeing my husband upset because There is only so much he can do to help. Why does my body fight against me so hard? Why must something always hurt? I struggle to smile. But I put one on my face for my husband, as gratitude. He does everything he can. And he does help. So I can give him a smile because he is the only thing I want to smile about.